The highs
It's been an interesting year for the world's most interesting company: we've seen bigger phones, surprising shopping sprees and what could be the beginning of a high profile adventure in the world of high fashion. But it hasn't all been good: Apple also suffered from broken glass, unwanted U2 and a bad case of the bends. Let's discover the highs and lows for Apple in 2014.
Highs
1. Apple Watch
The worst-kept secret in tech was a secret no more in 2014: Apple unveiled the Apple Watch and its many incarnations this year, and the release of the accompanying SDK gave us a good idea of what we can expect from its software when the watch ships in the spring. If it's a hit it means Apple will become a hugely important fashion brand, and the signs are certainly pointing in that direction: Apple generated more column inches with a watch it isn't shipping yet than all other smartwatch manufacturers combined.
2. iPhone 6 and 6 Plus
Bad news for anybody with little hands but great news for anyone who wanted bigger iPhones: Apple unveiled not one but two bigger devices in the form of the iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus. They're both big-screened beauties with typically great design, but that thinness also introduced bendyness. More of that in a moment.
3. Buying Beats
Even by Beats' pricey standards, $3 billion is a lot for some headphones - but when Apple bought Beats it was really interested in the talent behind Beats Music, which is now part of the iTunes empire. The acquisition doesn't just give Apple the Beats technology and streaming deals: it also gives Apple Jimmy Iovine, a renowned music business figure and famous deal-maker.
4. Retina iMacs
We can't afford them, but eventually we'll all be able to. Retina displays are clearly - pun intended - the future for all of Apple's devices, and seeing one on the biggest iMac is a retinal revelation. It's particularly flattering to OS X Yosemite, whose fonts and design choices aren't quite as nice on non-Retina devices.
5. Apple + IBM
As partnerships go this one doesn't sound very exciting, but it's potentially massive: Apple and IBM up the enterprise tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Apple wants its iPads in enterprises and IBM has enterprises' ears thanks to decades of sterling service, so the news that the two firms are teaming up is likely to have put Microsoft's Satya Nadella in a very bad mood indeed.
6. Apple Pay, maybe
It's too early to tell whether Apple's plan to become a major payment provider is going to pay off - Black Friday results were inconclusive, with some users apparently baffled by the whole thing - but Apple Pay does appear to have learnt from Google's Wallet missteps and created a service that retailers, payment providers and punters could all get behind.
7. Cook comes out
Tim Cook's sexuality wasn't a secret, but he broke his customary silence about his personal life to talk openly about it in an article for Businessweek. Having the CEO of the world's most valuable and interesting company come out is a huge deal in a world where not one Fortune 500 CEO was openly gay.
... and the lows
Lows
1. Bendgate
What do you get if you combine the laws of physics with hit-hungry websites? Bendgate: the not-overhyped-at-all story that found thin metal things bend if you apply sufficient force. Cue dullards going into Apple Stores to try and break iPhone 6 and 6 Plus handsets, endless "Apple is doooooomed!" columns and the sound of a molehill being blown up to mountain size.
2. iOS 8
Here's our new OS! Oops, it's broken! Here's an update! Oops, it's more broken than the broken one it was supposed to fix! Google's Lollipop had release issues too, but it wasn't as bungled as the iOS 8 launch. The only way Apple could have bungled it more would be if it had put a picture of Bungle from Rainbow on every iPhone's lock screen.
That isn't the only problem with iOS 8. There's a developing story over iOS 8 extensions, which are supposed to give developers the tools to share data with other apps: at the time of writing Panic's excellent Transmit app has been forced to remove iCloud Drive sharing because of confusing and contradictory developer policies. A developer backlash may be brewing.
3. U2
U2 have just announced a world tour, and wags have suggested that instead of booking venues they'll just break into people's houses and do gigs whether the owners want them or not. That's more or less what happened when Apple gave away their latest album, Songs of Innocence: instead of offering it as a free download Apple automatically added it to everybody's iTunes. Many people thought they'd been hacked, others were just appalled that Apple thought they'd want a U2 album, and Apple was forced to create a U2 removal tool to banish Bono.
4. Endless iPads
Is it just us or does Apple appear to be losing its laser-like focus on making a handful of very good products? Since Autumn's new launches Apple now offers more iPads than Marks & Spencer has pants: there's the iPad mini, the iPad mini 2, the iPad mini 3, the iPad Air and the iPad Air 2, all in Wi-Fi or Wi-Fi and Cellular options and various colours. A £199 iPad mini is certainly cheap by Apple standards, but given the pace of change in iPad-land we're not sure the owner will stay cheerful for long.
5. 2014 Mac Mini
The late 2014 Mac Mini is a long-awaited update to a computer last refreshed in 2012, and while the lower price tag is welcome the lower specs aren't. Quad-core processors are no longer available and the RAM is soldered in, so you can't upgrade it later. The Firewire port's gone too. For many Mini fans, what Apple giveth doesn't compensate for what Apple hath taken away.
6. Apple TV
So much for an app-happy update to Apple's "hobby". With fresh rivals from the likes of Google's Chromecast and Amazon Fire TV, Apple TV couldn't look much longer in the tooth if it were a sabre-toothed tiger. It's still good for AirPlay streaming, but here in the UK especially its lack of services means it's looking less attractive by the day.
7. Sapphire
2014 was going to be the year of sapphire screens, but it didn't work out that way: Apple's manufacturing partner, GT Advanced Technologies, encountered both technical problems - it couldn't make enough usable sapphire at the price Apple wanted to pay - and business ones, with apparent organisational chaos ultimately forcing the company into bankruptcy protection. GT says it's all Apple's fault, Apple says it's all GT's fault, and over at the Gorilla Glass factory Corning executives probably popped open the champagne.
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